Letters to Santa

Dear Santa: I wud like a kool toy space ranjur fer Xmas. Iv ben agud boy all yeer.
Yer Frend,

BiLLy

Dear Billy,

Nice spelling. You're on your way to a career in lawncare. How about I send you a frigging book called a dictionary so you can learn to read and write? I'm giving your older brother the spaceranger. At least HE can spell!

Santa

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Dear Santa: I have been a good girl all year, and the only thing I ask for is Peace and Joy in the world for every body!

Love, Sarah

Dear Sarah,

Your parents smoked pot when they had you, didn't they?

Santa

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Dear Santa:

I want a new bike, a Playstation, a train, some G.I.Joe's, a dog, a drum kit, a pony and a tuba.

Love, Francis

Dear Francis,

Who names their kid "Francis" nowadays? I bet you're gay.

Santa

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Dear Santa,

I left milk and cookies for you under the tree, and I left carrots for your reindeer outside the back door.

Love, Susan

Dear Susan,

Milk gives me the runs, and carrots make the deer fart in my face when riding in the sleigh. You want to do me a favor? Leave me a bottle of scotch.

Santa

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Dear Santa,

Do you see us when we're sleeping, do you really know when we're awake, like in the song?

Love, Jessica

Dear Jessica,

Are you really that gullible? Good luck in whatever you do. I'm skipping your house.

Santa

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Dear Santa,

I really really want a puppy this year. Please please please PLEASE PLEASE could I have one?Timmy

Timmy,

That whiney begging may work with your folks, but that crap doesn't work with me. You're getting a sweater again!

Santa

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Dearest Santa:

We don't have a chimney in our house so how do you get in?

Love, Marky

Mark,

First, stop calling yourself "Marky"! That's why you're getting your butt whipped at school. Second, you don't live in a house, you live in a low-rent apartment complex. Third, I get inside your pad just like all the burglars do, through your bedroom window.

Sweet Dreams,

Santa