Funny Demetri Martin Quotes

• 'Cotton balls' is an example of something I would buy, but not want to have as a nickname. 'Cinnamon buns', on the other hand, is something I would buy and want to have as a nickname. 'Are you Cinnamon Buns?' 'You bet your sweet ass I am.'

• I like parties, but I don't like piñatas because the pinata promotes violence against flamboyant animals. Hey, there's a donkey with some pizzazz. Let's kick its ass. What I'm trying to say is, don't make the same Halloween costume mistake that I did.

• I think that when you get dressed in the morning, sometimes you're really making a decision about your behavior for the day. Like if you put on flipflops, you're saying: 'Hope I don't get chased today.'

For more funny Demetri Martin quotes, click HERE.

To see some of his stand-up comedy, click HERE and HERE.