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Letters to Santa

Dear Santa: I wud like a kool toy space ranjur fer Xmas. Iv ben agud boy all yeer.
Yer Frend,

BiLLy

Dear Billy,

Nice spelling. You're on your way to a career in lawncare. How about I send you a frigging book called a dictionary so you can learn to read and write? I'm giving your older brother the spaceranger. At least HE can spell!

Santa

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Dear Santa: I have been a good girl all year, and the only thing I ask for is Peace and Joy in the world for every body!

Love, Sarah

Dear Sarah,

Your parents smoked pot when they had you, didn't they?

Santa

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Dear Santa:

I want a new bike, a Playstation, a train, some G.I.Joe's, a dog, a drum kit, a pony and a tuba.

Love, Francis

Dear Francis,

Who names their kid "Francis" nowadays? I bet you're gay.

Santa

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Dear Santa,

I left milk and cookies for you under the tree, and I left carrots for your reindeer outside the back door.

Love, Susan

Dear Susan,

Milk gives me the runs, and carrots make the deer fart in my face when riding in the sleigh. You want to do me a favor? Leave me a bottle of scotch.

Santa

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Dear Santa,

Do you see us when we're sleeping, do you really know when we're awake, like in the song?

Love, Jessica

Dear Jessica,

Are you really that gullible? Good luck in whatever you do. I'm skipping your house.

Santa

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Dear Santa,

I really really want a puppy this year. Please please please PLEASE PLEASE could I have one?Timmy

Timmy,

That whiney begging may work with your folks, but that crap doesn't work with me. You're getting a sweater again!

Santa

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Dearest Santa:

We don't have a chimney in our house so how do you get in?

Love, Marky

Mark,

First, stop calling yourself "Marky"! That's why you're getting your butt whipped at school. Second, you don't live in a house, you live in a low-rent apartment complex. Third, I get inside your pad just like all the burglars do, through your bedroom window.

Sweet Dreams,

Santa

Holiday Survey

I received this Holiday Survey and decided to share my answers with all of you. Enjoy!!

1. Egg Nog or Hot Chocolate? I love hot chocolate almost as much as I despise Egg Nog. I love Stephen's White Hot Chocolate or the plain Milk Chocolate with a huge dallop of whipping cream.

2. Does Santa wrap presents or just sit them under the tree? When I was younger Santa did not wrap them, but set them in a pile. When I got older, my mom (uh, I mean, Santa) started wrapping them. I have no idea what brought about the change.

3. Colored lights on tree/house or white? Colored lights, definately!!

4. Do you hang mistletoe? No, but I probably would if I had any. I've just never bought any.

5. When do you put your decorations up? When I lived with my parents they would do it whenever they got to it - sometimes waiting until the week before Christmas, but since I moved into my own house, I've started decorating the day after Thanksgiving. I figure if you're going to go through all the work to put everything up, you may as well enjoy it as much as possible.

6. What is your favorite holiday dish (excluding dessert)? My Grandma George makes a killer stuffing. All homemade.

7. Favorite Holiday memory as a child: Waiting for Christmas morning to come. I could never sleep on Christmas Eve and I'd anxiously wait in my bed for morning to come.

8. When and how did you learn the truth about Santa? I'm not quite sure. I don't ever remember believing in him, although I'm sure as a child, I did.

9. Do you open a gift on Christmas Eve? Yes. It is a family tradition to open our presents from our parents on Christmas Eve. They are always Christmas pajamas.

10. How do you decorate your Christmas Tree? This is the first year I've had my own Christmas tree and I decorated it with ornaments my mother and my Grandma George have given me throughout the years. My grandma has made me a homemade ornament ever year since I was born. When I was younger I thought it was kind of dumb, but now I love it!! It makes my tree very special.

11. Can you ice skate? Absolutely Not!!

12. Do you remember your favorite gift? I don't know if I have a favorite gift, but I have some memorable ones - my giganitc barbie house, a television, my full-length mirror, and last year I received a vacuum. I love the vacuum.

13. What's the most important thing about the Holidays for you? The spirit of charity and kindness; seeing family and friends; no school; and of course, reflecting on the Savior, Jesus Christ.

14. What is your favorite Holiday Dessert? My Grandma George's banana cream pie.

15. What are your favorite holiday traditions? Grandma Ault's Christmas Party, my parent's Christmas Eve party, matching Christmas pajamas, and most of all the family picture we take every year - my brothers and I (plus, now Megan) sit on my parent's staircase in our pajamas and get our pictures taken.

16. What tops your tree? Nothing, but I saw an awesome silver star at Target I want to buy.

17. Which do you prefer, giving or receiving? Both. Of course I love getting presents, but I'm also a pretty good bargain shopper so I enjoy that as well.

18. What is your favorite Christmas Song? I Heard the Bells on Christmas Day, based on the poem by Henry Wadsworth Longfellow.

19. Candy Canes! Yuck or Yum? Love the first one of the season. Hate the last one.

20. What do you want most for Christmas this year? A new digial camera or an I-Pod.

These Are a Few of My Favortie Things

With the Christmas Season comes a bombardment of holiday songs. Once such song is "My Favorite Things." You may recall this holiday favorite from Rodgers and Hammerstein's musical, "The Sound of Music." Because of this song, I have been reflecting upon my favorite things and I thought I'd share a few. (Please keep in mind these are in no particular order).

• Cell phones and text messaging
• British accents
• J.M.W. Turner
• Teaching kids how to read (There's nothing better)
• The words: fabulous, fantastic, and brilliant
• Maeve Binchy novels
• Black licorice
• Christmas lights
• DVR
• Honey-baked ham
• My bed and fluffy duvet
• TLC's Miami Ink
• Being called, "Little One," by my mom
• Carbs, especially soup bowls
• Television
• Cold Stone's Cake Batter Icecream
• The Muppet's Christmas Carol

I'd love to hear what tops your favorite things list.

Norge

Today I saw something I had long forgot. As I pulled up next to the curb in front of my parent's house, I looked at the mailbox and saw the word, "Norge." For a split second, I was confused. Then, a smile came to my face and I laughed out loud. All because of one, single word - Norge. Now, some of you may be asking, "What is a norge?" Now that's a very good question.

Some would answer that it is a reference to the country, Norway.

Others may say say it is a brand of refrigerators popular in the 1930s.

A few may even say it is a type of motorcycle, the Moto Guzzi Norge.

However, for all of you who spent time with my brother, Kyle, and I at my parent's house during high school, you know the truth. What is the truth? Well, the norge is part of the human anatomy. More specifically, the section right above the ass crack and below the lower back. That section of the body that low riding pants seems to easily expose.

And how did it end up on my parent's mailbox? I think they have Shawn to thank (although, I may be mistaken). Regardless of who it was, thank you for giving me a laugh and a few memories.

Christmas Devotional

On Sunday, December 3, 2006, I attended the Christmas Devotional with some friends. It was great. The best part was The Mormon Tabernacle Choir. I'd never heard the Choir live (at least that I can remember), but they were amazing!!! To view the Christmas Devotional, click HERE.

Spread Some Joy

Regardless of how you feel about the United States involvement in Iraq, we can all agree that it's feels great to get mail - especially when you are far from home. To send a letter to an American soldier go to http://www.letssaythanks.com/ There you can send a short message that will be delivered to an American soldier. It only takes 1-2 minutes.

Celebrate Good Times, Come On

Kari, Lori, Shelli, Ali, Audra, Aly, Me, & Christi

Kari & Me

Last Friday, November 17, we celebrated the wedding of our dear friend, Audra. Here are a few pictures from the wedding. She's a great friend who's been a good example to me. I'm very happy for her and wish her the best!!

Because they were so stinkin' cute, I also included pictures from last February when we went to Las Vegas to celebrate Audra's 30th birthday.

Happy Thanksgiving

For my Dad's birthday I shared several memorable stories about him (see King Ron Turns 50). One of them was about the song his sings every Thanksgiving morning. I thought I'd share it with you. As you read the lyrics, please try to visualize Ronnie struting around our family's home singing it at the top of his lungs.


There's a big fat turkey down on Grandpa's farm
Who thinks he's very gay.
He spreads his tail into a great big fan
And struts around all day.

You should hear him gobble at the girls and boys,
He thinks he's singing when he makes that noise.
He'll sing his song another way
Upon Thanksgiving Day.

Another Great Picture

Another great picture from our girls' weekend in Park City.

Pictured: Kari, Sandra, Me, and Christi

Lifestyles of the Rich and the Famous

This weekend I headed up to Park City for a girls' weekend at the Hotel Park City. My friend, Shelli, had arranged with her friend, Kayla, for us to stay there for free. This was possible because Kayla is one of the managers for the hotel. Kayla went out of her way and booked the penthouse for us (a room that normally goes for $3,000 a night - No, that's not a typo, $3,000 a night). And when I say room, I mean living room, kitchen, dining area, 2 bedrooms, 3 bathrooms, laundry room, and balcony. It was fabulous!!

When we entered the penthouse, the beds had been turned down, chocolates were on the pillows, and rose petals were strewn across the sheets. Rose petals also adorned the bathroom vanities, and the toilets. Yes, the toilets. When I lifted the toilet seat to go to the bathroom, rose petals were floating in the toilet bowl. I hated to ruin it, but I really had to pee. Also on the beds were nice, fluffy robes with the hotel logo and next to the beds were slippers.

Well, we put on our bathing suits, dawned the robes, slipped on the slippers, and headed down to the spa. As we entered the spa, vanities lined one side of the hallway, while rows upon rows of towels lined the other. There were several doors that led to our spa options. These included the dry sauna, the eucalyptus steam room, and the jacuzzi. I loved every minute of it!! I think I could get use to this lifestyle very easily. Here are just a few of the pictures we took while we were there. Enjoy - I know I sure did.

Me entering one of the bathrooms

To my surprise, I found rose petals in the toilet

Lesli and me outside The Penthouse, heading for the spa

Even if this isn't real, it's awesome

Even if this was done in PhotoShop, it looks awesome. I'll think twice about swimming in the ocean (or climbing up a ladder into a helicopter from the ocean).

Proud Member of the Colbert Nation

Election Afterthought

After the Democrats swept both houses of Congress, the federal government continued to change with the resignation of Defense Secretary, Donald Rumsfeld. In the spirit of the stupidest things politicians have said, and as a farewell to D-Rum, here are some of the stupidest things he's ever said:

"Needless to say, the President is correct. Whatever it was he said."

"Don't say 'the White House wants.' Buildings can't want."

"First rule of politics: you can't win unless you're on the ballot. Second rule: If you run, you may lose. And, if you tie, you do not win.""If you develop rules, never have more than ten."

"Death has a tendency to encourage a depressing view of war."

"Learn to say 'I don't know.' If used when appropriate, it will be often."

"We do know of certain knowledge that he (Osama Bin Laden) is either in Afghanistan, or in some other country, or dead."

SIDENOTE: I'd like to thank TJ for this post. He posted something similar on another blog. Thanks TJ. You are a blogger extraordinaire!!

A Little Late, But Still Adorable

I'm sure this will not come as a shock to most of you, but I LOVE to have my picture taken. I'll be the first to admit it - I'm very photogenic. I rarely take a poor picture. These two, however, are not that great. I'm blaming it on the lighting. Still, I thought I'd share them with you. They were taken at my ward's Halloween party - Hollywood Halloween. Everyone was suppose to come as an actual person from Hollywood or a movie character. As you can see, I came as Dorothy from the Wizard of Oz. I bought the dress and helped my roommate, Lesli, adjust it into a jumper. I thought it turned out fabulous. Alina went as Punky Brewster - also a great costume. Enjoy!!

It was the best of times, it was the worst of times

As I read the headlines this morning,
I was filled with both joy and heartache.

First to the joy:


Democrats Sweep Congress
Pelosi Says Democrats are Ready to Lead
Democratic Governors Claim Edge
Democrats Gain in State Legislatures

• It truly is the best of times.

Now to the heartache:

Divorce Underway for Britney and K-Fed

Yes, it is also the worst of times.

Election Series - Part IV

The following quotes are from Marion Barry (former mayor of Washington, D.C.)

"Outside the killings, Washington has one of the lowest crime rates in the country."

"First, it was not a strip bar; it was an erotic club. And second, what can I say? I'm a night owl."

"I am a great mayor. I am an upstanding Christian man. I am an intelligent man. I am a deeply educated man. I am a humble man."

"What right does Congress have to go around making laws just because they deem it necessary?"

"The laws in this city are clearly racist. All laws are racist. The law of gravity is racist."

"I am clearly more popular than Reagan. I am in my third term. Where's Reagan? Gone after two! Defeated by George Bush and Michael Dukakis, no less."

"People have criticized me because my security detail is larger than the President's. But you must ask yourself: Are there more people who want to kill me than who want to kill the President? I can assure you there are."

Election Addendum

Election Series - Part III

To be fair I thought I'd better publish the best quotes from The Stupidest Things Democrats ever Said. As I was reading it, I realized that Marion Barry is the Democratic Party's Dan Quayle. Because of this, he will have his own post. Enjoy!!

"The first black president will be a politician who is black."
- Doug Wilder (Virginia governor, 1989-1993)

If I could be the condom queen and get every young person in the United States who is engaging in sex to use a condom, I would wear a crown on my head with a condom on it."
- Jocelyn Elders (surgeon general, 1993-1994)

"I am not indecisive. Am I indecisive?"
- Jim Scheibel (St. Paul mayor, 1990-1993)

"This is the worst disaster in California since I was elected."
- Pat Brown (California governor, 1959-1966)

"Old people have a duty to die and get out of the way."
- Richard Lamm (Colorado governor, 1975-1987)

"I say get 'em by the balls and their hearts and minds will follow."
- Mendel Rivers (South Carolina representative, 1941-1970), discussing how to win over foreign nations.

"There are no issues. My opponent has a job and I want it. That's what this election is about."
- William Bulow (South Dakota governor, 1927-1931)

"No sane person in the country likes the war in Vietnam, and neither does President Johnson."
- Hubert Humphrey (vice president, 1965-1969)

Election Series - Part II

The following are all quotes by Dan Quayle:

"Republicans understand the importance of bondage between a mother and a child."

"We have been pushing the idea that George Bush is going to make things much, much worse."

When explaining the difference between the House and the Senate: "There are lots more people in the House [compared with the Senate]. I don't know exactly - I've never counted, but at least a couple of hundred."

"Hawaii is a unique state. It is a small state. It is a state that is by itself. It is a - it is different than other states. Well, all states are different, but it's got a particularly unique situation."

When remarking on the 1989 San Francisco earthquake: "The loss of life will be irreplaceable."

When discussing the possibility of living on Mars: "Mars is essentially in the same orbit. Mars is somewhat the same distance from the sun, which is very important. We have seen pictures where there are canals, we believe, and water. If there is water, that means there is oxygen. If oxygen, that means we can breathe."

"What a waste it is to lose one's mind - or not to have a mind. How true that is."

"I stand by all the misstatements."

"For NASA, space is still a high priority."

"It isn't pollution that's harming the environment. It's the impurities in our air and water that are doing it."

"One word sums up the responsibility of any vice president. And that word is 'to be prepared.'"

"Unfortunately, the people of Louisiana are not racists."

"My friends, no matter how rough the road may be, we can and we will never, never surrender to what is right."

"I was a less-than-serious student in college. If I had it to do over again, I would be far more serious. I did play a lot of golf. But I don't think that's any reflection on my ability to lead this nation."

"I support efforts to limit the terms of members of Congress, expecially members of the House and members of the Senate."

"I believe we are on an irreversible trend toward more freedom and democracy. But that could change."

"Verbosity leads to unclear, inarticulate things."

Republicans

In honor of the upcoming elections, I thought I would re-run a popular 4 part series that I originally posted on "Leonard's Lawn."

The following quotes are taken from one of my favorite books, The 267 Stupidest Things Republicans Ever Said. I have the Democrat counterpart, but to be honest, it's not as funny because Republicans are just plain stupider than Democrats. I've included one quote by Dan Quayle, but as I was going through my book, I realized he's going to need an entire post of his own. Enjoy!!

"Who will the Antichrist be? I don't know. Nobody else knows. Of course, he'll be Jewish."
- Jerry Falwell (president, Moral Majority, 1979-1990)

"I hope I stand for anti-bigotry, anti-Semitism, anti-racism."
- George Bush

"Boy, they were big on crematoriums, weren't they?"
- George Bush, touring Auschwitz in 1987

This is a great day for France!"
- Richard Nixon, attending French president Charles de Gaulle's funeral

"We have every mixture you can have. I have a black, I have a woman, two Jews, and a cripple."
- James Watt (Sec. of the Interior, 1981-1983), describing an Interior Dept. advisory group

"We don't need some character in the Dept. of Education with sandals and beads telling us how to educate our children."
- Pat Buchanan (1996 Republican presidential candidate)

"The President ought to be allowed to hang two men every year without giving any reason or explanation."
- Herbert Hoover (president, 1929-1933)

"Trees cause more pollution than automobiles."
- Ronald Reagan

"I love California. I practically grew up in Phoenix."
- Dan Quayle

Damn TV

The damn TV has got me hooked. I'm mostly referring to two television programs, Prison Break and Lost. These programs give you an exciting story line that never satisfies. It's starting to drive me crazy. I need closure. I can't go an entire week before I get an update on what's going on in the lives of my favorite TV characters. I thought the summer was bad enough - having to wait several months for these programs to come back on, but I realized it was almost better. During the summer it was out-of-sight, out-of-mind. But now, they're not out-of-sight. I see them advertised in commercials and magazine ads. I don't know if I can take it. I've even started to dream about these programs. Now that's going a little too far.

King Ron Turns 50

Today my father (King Ron, as he prefers to be called) turned 50. I wanted to post a nice tribute to him, but he's gone and ruined it all. You see, a few Father's Days ago, I gave him a book that contained really great pictures of him and me in it. I had wanted to copy those pictures and post them on this blog, but he's lost the book. I see how important it was to him. So instead, I'll jot down a few memorable stories about my dad.

With the fall season comes one of Ronnie's best performance pieces. Every Thanksgiving morning for as long as I can remember he graces our family with a musical performance of "There's a Great Big Turkey Down on Grandpa's Farm." Now, my father is quite a musical fella - in fact, he sings all the time. However, this song is only sung once a year. It doesn't matter how much we beg and plead, he will only sing it on Thanksgiving morning. We look forward to it every year.

Another great thing about Ronnie is his use of funny sayings (some of which he's made up). Two come to mind. First, "Cutting the shine." Yes, this is a made up one. Translation = Four-wheeling. Now, we have no idea where it comes from, but instead of asking if we would like to take the four-wheelers out, he would ask, "So, who wants to go cut the shine?" Yea, I know, it's crazy. The second phrase comes from my childhood. I never quite understood it until I got older. Whenever I would do something clumsy, he'd say to me, "Yeah Grace, how's charm school." I did a lot of clumsy things in my childhood so I heard it a lot. Come to think of it, it's not very nice. Well, what do you expect from someone who loses a Father's Day gift with adorable pictures of his daughter.

Finally, a hilarious story. As many of you know, Ronnie is an avid Boy Scouter. He has the uniform and all. Well, he had just changed into his boy scout uniform, when the doorbell rang. It happened to be my friend, Jana. He answered the door, said hello to Jana, and followed it with, "Now Jana, try to control yourself. I know how you women find men in uniforms irresistible." Jana really didn't know what to think. Can you blame her?

Happy Birthday, Dad!!

My First Anniversary

This weekend (October 21st), I celebrated my first anniversary. A year ago, I closed on my house. An entire year married to my mortgage (okay, mortgages - I'm a bit of a polygamist). I was going to include pictures, but since I lost my camera in the move, I haven't taken any. And since I now have to pay on my mortgages, I can't afford a new camera. (Side note: Alina took pictures at The Office Party so you can see some of the house). Since moving in, I've had to repair two showers, multiple dry walling sections, my oven, and my disposal. I have also done a few home improvements, including getting soft water - (best two grand I've ever spent) and getting Dish Network (oh, I love the DVR). I've also done a little yard work where I brought my grass back to life. It was totally dead at the beginning of the summer, but now it looks really good. I've been pretty busy, but there are a few things I have failed to do. I still haven't put a light bulb in my garage door so ever time I open the garage, it's pitch black. Something simple, but I still haven't done it. I also need to get someone to come look at my smoke detectors. I replaced the batteries, but they won't work. I'm just hoping I don't have to need them.

To Appease the Party Goers

So, some of the Office Party goers were upset that their pictures were not featured on the last post. Hopefully, this appeases them. Look, Ali has two pictures all by herself.

The Office Party

So, last week I had a party at my house to celebrate the NBC television series, The Office. It was a huge success. Here are a few pictures from it. For all of those who came, thank you. For those of you who didn't, you missed out.

Wow!! I look fabulous. Here I am making margaritas (non-alcoholic, of course).

Brittney and Sandra enjoying the margaritas.

Me and Lesli enjoying the margaritas. Don't you love the decorations!!

Summer, Alicia, and Alina weren't down with the margaritas - they choose popsicles instead.

Downstairs playing games. I was the official score keeper.

Brittney, Devon, and Sandra enjoying the couch.

Monica, Alina, Summer, and Alicia enjoying the floor.

Autistic Kids Rock

Two reasons for this post:

1. I wanted to inform all of you about a TV event that I'm sure will bring a few laughs - "Night of Too Many Stars: An Overbooked Benefit for Autism Education" airs on Comedy Central this Sunday at 8:00 pm EST. It is hosted by my favorite, Jon Stewart, and will include appearances by Jack Black, Steve Carell, Kristin Chenoweth, Stephen Colbert, Ricky Gervais, and many more.

2. I wanted to relate one of my favorite stories about one of my autistic students. This student came into class wearing a Darth Vadar helmet. At first I didn't really notice because class hadn't started yet and I was busy getting things ready. When I did notice, I told him that hats were not allowed at school under the dress code policy and that he'd have to take it off. He replied, "Ms. George, I'm wearing a helmet, not a hat, and I checked - the dress code policy does not mention anything about helmets." It was so funny, and because he was technically correct, I let him wear it during class.

In Honor of Halloween

So I stole this from my friend TJ, which is something that I wouldn't normally do . . . because he's usually so lame, but this is actually cool.

It's a painting published by M&M's Dark Chocolate which shows the titles of 50 Dark Movies hidden in picture clues throughout the painting. I was able to get 27 of 50 in about 30 minutes. Try it and let me know how you did. I'd like to know which ones I missed.

http://us.mms.com/us/dark/

My very own

So, I have been posting on a communal blog for the past couple of months, but I decided it was about time to break away and begin my own blog. For those regular readers of "Leonard's Lawn," don't worry. You will still be delighted by the posts I continue to post there as well.